RISE Library: Articles on Sex, Intimacy, and Communication 

You want real connection in a world that feels increasingly artificial, but the modern dating scene often leaves you feeling exhausted and quietly discouraged. You long for something organic and meaningful, yet you’re navigating systems that reward speed and constant availability over depth. If you feel like retreating from the apps and the emotional whiplash, it is a sign that your nervous system is trying to adapt to an environment that was never designed for your emotional

When my partner Dallas experienced erectile dysfunction in his mid-twenties, he felt broken. He believed something was fundamentally wrong with him, and struggling with anxiety and PTSD only added fuel to those feelings. Erectile dysfunction is often attributed to age, hormones, or attraction, but when it happens in your twenties, the confusion feels even sharper. The shame can spiral quickly when you love your partner but your body still goes into protection mode. In this ep

You love your partner, but you feel your body shut down the moment intimacy begins. Something inside you tightens even when you want to feel close. These moments don't mean you have a lack of love or desire. They are often signals from your attachment system. Your nervous system has built-in needs for safety, trust, and emotional closeness. When those needs aren't met, your brain can interpret your partner as a source of threat or pressure instead of a safe space. There is a

One of you moves toward the relationship to close the gap. The other moves away to reduce overwhelm or conflict. This is the pursue-withdraw cycle, and it is one of the most common and painful patterns in any relationship. If you have ever felt like you are chasing connection while your partner shuts down, you are not alone. This cycle does not mean your relationship is broken. It means your nervous systems are trying to protect you in opposing ways. When you are stuck in thi

If you have ever felt like sex is just another chore, you are not alone. Many people find themselves saying "yes" simply because saying "no" feels too hard. This isn't a character flaw. It is a survival strategy that usually begins in childhood. When you grow up learning that love is conditional, you become an expert at abandoning your own needs to take care of everyone else. By the time you reach adulthood, sex can easily become an obligation fueled by pressure. It stops bei

Long-term couples rarely fall out of love overnight. Usually, they just fall into "logistics mode" where work, kids, and chores crowd out the space for connection. When life feels like an endless to-do list, intimacy starts to feel like just another chore. This shift into the "roommate phase" doesn't mean you are a failure. It is often a sign that your nervous system is overwhelmed and doesn't have the capacity for desire in this moment. I developed the RISE model based on a

When difficult conversations with your partner feel overwhelming, when you need to resolve things right away or you need space to process, when a look or a tone shift sends your nervous system into overdrive, that's often PTSD showing up in your relationship. It doesn't mean you're broken or that you're the problem in the relationship. There's a learnable process for managing your symptoms so they don't manage you. You can find the moment between what triggers you and how you

As a sex and relationship therapist, I love working with couples who are beginning to explore ethical non-monogamy (ENM).  Most of these couples are excited to explore the depths of non-monogamy with their long-term partner and possess a solid foundational knowledge of the amount of work it’ll take to cultivate healthy and fulfilling non-monogamous partnerships.  However, many times, one partner is reluctant to explore ENM due to feeling anxious, stressed, jealous, or confuse

As a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex and couples therapy, I frequently get referrals from other therapists who want me to work with their clients on challenges related to sexual intimacy. It makes sense, because as therapists we were never trained in graduate school on how to navigate the sexual challenges of our clients. And, depending on what modality of therapy we were trained in, we may have learned that fixing the other problems in relationships outside of s

When couples stop having sex, they usually assume it's about laziness, manipulation, or lack of attraction. But sexual disconnection is actually a signal that something deeper needs attention—usually safety, repair, and attunement. Your nervous system, emotional dysregulation, and unspoken resentment all play a part in creating sexless relationships. In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy , I walk through the critical difference between consent and coercion, avoidance and co

When most people hear "sex therapy," they assume it's about technique or performance. It's not. Sex therapy is about understanding how your nervous system, past experiences, and attachment patterns show up in intimacy. For years, I only associated sex with pressure and duty. I sabotaged a relationship I cared about because my body was screaming no, and I had no idea how to restore safety after my own trauma. That experience is why I do this work, and why I never separate trau

Sex is everywhere. Yet meaningful conversations about intimacy are still wrapped in silence, shame, and confusion. Low desire, erectile struggles, or difficulty with orgasm get framed as personal failures when they should be framed as messages from the body shaped by culture, conditioning, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm.  In this premiere episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast , I invite you to gain a deeper understanding of what actually gets in the way of desire. Drawing

Exploring the long-lasting effects of sexual trauma on the brain and nervous system, and how this knowledge can inform therapeutic...

What is sex addiction? Sex addiction is characterized by the lack of control over sexual thoughts, urges, and impulses, leading to...

Jealousy comes up in all types of relationships, sexual and otherwise. A kid can experience jealousy when their mother is talking to...

A small but growing number of people are discovering, and proving, that monogamy as our culture understands it is not the only  way to be happy in successful relationships. It’s just one of many. An estimated   17.5 million people in  the United States practice polyamory and other forms of ethical non-monogamy (ENM)—and 20% of Americans say they’ve practiced it at some point. Less and less taboo with each generation, about 1 in 6 Americans now consider ethical non-monogamy to

Before you can have a meaningful conversation about sex with a partner, you have to agree with yourself that your sexuality and your...

A student recently asked me, “What’s the best sex position for stimulating the clitoris?” And the fact of the matter is, I get questions...

*Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash Say what you will about New Year’s Resolutions, but done right they are a powerful tool in...

For lovers who want to provide their partner the gift of augmented pleasure, there are a few things to keep in mind. Sex toys can make...