RISE Library: Articles on Sex, Intimacy, and Communication 

You’re in the middle of a heated argument with your partner, and suddenly you can’t think clearly. Maybe you go quiet and wait for it to be over. Maybe you say something you already know you’ll regret. When this happens, learning how to pause during conflict can be the difference between a hard conversation that gets repaired and a fight that keeps causing damage. When your nervous system becomes flooded, your body moves into fight or flight. Your capacity to listen, feel emp

Your partner may have told you they don't feel heard, even though you were right there listening to every word and even responding. Hearing someone and making them feel heard are two different things, and most of us were never taught how to validate our partner in a way that actually lands. When that gap becomes a pattern, the same fight keeps happening, just with different words. When resentment starts building, most couples rush to explain themselves or fix the problem, ski

You're in the middle of a conflict with your partner, but instead of turning toward them, you turn toward your phone. Within minutes, you've watched three videos, found a comment section that agrees with everything you're feeling, and now you have a word for what your partner is doing to you…or do you? The flood of mental health content on platforms like TikTok feels like progress on the surface, but it's doing real damage underneath. Clinical language gets stripped of its co

You’re the easygoing, low-maintenance one who keeps the peace. You’ve probably spent years being this way, but what if it’s costing you the connection you crave in your relationship? Most people know about fight, flight, and freeze. But the fawn response is the one that flies under the radar, because it doesn't look like a problem. It looks like being a good partner. You say yes when you mean no, you minimize your feelings before they even leave your mouth, and you prioritize

You've told your partner what you need. Maybe you've told them a hundred times, and nothing changes. So at some point, you stopped asking. You stopped being vulnerable. You stopped fighting for it. And somewhere in that silence, a story started forming that says, “They don't care. They never will, and maybe this relationship is too far gone to fix.” That resentment in relationships doesn't announce itself. It builds slowly through dismissed comments, unresolved arguments, and

You can orgasm just fine on your own. So why does it feel almost impossible with a partner in the room? If this is something you've quietly wrestled with, you're not the only one. Research shows about 58% of women find orgasm easier through masturbation than partnered sex, and the same pattern shows up for men. This has very little to do with your body's capability and almost everything to do with what's happening in your mind and your nervous system when someone else is in t

You've been in a sexless relationship for months, maybe years, and you have no idea where to begin to find your way back. You've read the books. You know what you're supposed to do differently. But nothing changes, and you can't help how you feel. What you're up against isn't a communication problem. It's a pattern that started in your mind long before it showed up in the bedroom, and it's now running on autopilot. The thoughts you have about your partner create chemical reac

You're talking to your partner, and they glance at their phone or sigh at the wrong moment, and suddenly your whole body tenses up. Maybe you start yelling, or you shut down and want to get out of the room. Later, you're lying in bed replaying it, wondering why your partner triggers you so easily, or worse, whether you're the problem for reacting the way you did. You're not the problem, and this isn't about the sigh. When your partner triggers you, your nervous system is resp

Polyamory often gets framed as a mindset shift, a philosophical reimagining of love, freedom, and connection. But your nervous system doesn't care about your philosophy. It just knows your partner is with someone else, and your chest is tight, and your stomach is turning. Jealousy in polyamory doesn't mean you chose the wrong structure or the wrong partner. It means you're human. The question isn't whether jealousy shows up — it will — but whether you have the skills to work

You may have had one big conversation about opening your relationship and assumed that was enough. Or you haven't been able to have the first one yet because you don't know how to start without derailing it before it goes anywhere. Either way, communication in polyamorous relationships is where things most often break down, and it's rarely because people aren't willing to talk. What feels okay to agree to in theory doesn't always hold once you're living it. Agreements that ma

A small but growing number of people are discovering, and proving, that monogamy as our culture understands it is not the only way to be happy in successful relationships. It’s just one of many. An estimated 17.5 million people in the United States practice polyamory and other forms of ethical non-monogamy (ENM)—and 20% of Americans say they’ve practiced it at some point. Less and less taboo with each generation, about 1 in 6 Americans now consider ethical non-monogamy to

Non-monogamy is no longer a fringe idea. It's showing up on dating apps, in therapy rooms, in late-night Google searches, and inside long-term relationships that look completely fine from the outside. But curiosity alone isn't enough to navigate it well. The choice to open a relationship matters far less than the skills you bring into it, and the quality of your conversations will shape everything that follows. If you or your partner have been thinking about this, or if the c

The honeymoon phase is over, and real life has taken its place. When routines settle in, the stress piles up, and the spark no longer feels automatic, it’s common to wonder if something has gone wrong. But healthy relationships aren’t conflict-free, and healthy love isn’t accidental; it’s a practice. From validating your partner before you try to fix the problem to creating novelty on purpose, there is a roadmap for building a connection that is resilient rather than reactive

You’re still in love with your partner and committed to a fulfilling life together, yet something feels off. The chemistry that once felt effortless now feels unpredictable or absent. You care deeply for each other, but you are completely out of sync sexually. If you’ve ever wondered why sex feels so hard when the rest of the relationship is fine, it isn’t necessarily a sign that you’re failing. It’s more likely a sign that stress, emotional disconnection, or old conditioning

You want real connection in a world that feels increasingly artificial, but the modern dating scene often leaves you feeling exhausted and quietly discouraged. You long for something organic and meaningful, yet you’re navigating systems that reward speed and constant availability over depth. If you feel like retreating from the apps and the emotional whiplash, it is a sign that your nervous system is trying to adapt to an environment that was never designed for your emotional

When my partner Dallas experienced erectile dysfunction in his mid-twenties, he felt broken. He believed something was fundamentally wrong with him, and struggling with anxiety and PTSD only added fuel to those feelings. Erectile dysfunction is often attributed to age, hormones, or attraction, but when it happens in your twenties, the confusion feels even sharper. The shame can spiral quickly when you love your partner but your body still goes into protection mode. In this ep

You love your partner, but you feel your body shut down the moment intimacy begins. Something inside you tightens even when you want to feel close. These moments don't mean you have a lack of love or desire. They are often signals from your attachment system. Your nervous system has built-in needs for safety, trust, and emotional closeness. When those needs aren't met, your brain can interpret your partner as a source of threat or pressure instead of a safe space. There is a

One of you moves toward the relationship to close the gap. The other moves away to reduce overwhelm or conflict. This is the pursue-withdraw cycle, and it is one of the most common and painful patterns in any relationship. If you have ever felt like you are chasing connection while your partner shuts down, you are not alone. This cycle does not mean your relationship is broken. It means your nervous systems are trying to protect you in opposing ways. When you are stuck in thi

If you have ever felt like sex is just another chore, you are not alone. Many people find themselves saying "yes" simply because saying "no" feels too hard. This isn't a character flaw. It is a survival strategy that usually begins in childhood. When you grow up learning that love is conditional, you become an expert at abandoning your own needs to take care of everyone else. By the time you reach adulthood, sex can easily become an obligation fueled by pressure. It stops bei

Long-term couples rarely fall out of love overnight. Usually, they just fall into "logistics mode" where work, kids, and chores crowd out the space for connection. When life feels like an endless to-do list, intimacy starts to feel like just another chore. This shift into the "roommate phase" doesn't mean you are a failure. It is often a sign that your nervous system is overwhelmed and doesn't have the capacity for desire in this moment. I developed the RISE model based on a